Last night we met for a Discipleship class at our church. It’s a ten part series based on a study from Campus Crusade for Christ where we break up into small groups to discuss each chapter. After meeting with my group of three other women, I realized why I prefer to write. It’s because I can’t speak.
If you read enough of my blog posts, I think you would be surprised to meet me in person. I love to meditate on God’s words, study the scriptures and I really enjoying sharing my faith through writing. But a people-person I am not. I tend to be quiet and have a difficult time talking with people I don’t know well. It’s not that I don’t like people, I just have never felt very comfortable talking to strangers.
Now, I am not sure if I feel uncomfortable talking around people because I do not express myself well or I do not express myself well because I feel uncomfortable around people – a kind of chicken and egg conundrum. But last night while meeting with the other women, I was reminded that I am verbally-challenged. I did venture out to speak up as one of the women in my group admitted that she was still “seeking” and I wanted to share my own testimony. But once I had finished speaking I was wishing I could have frozen time for a few moments and written something up to just hand to her to read. Not that I think that I am some great writer, but I am much better at conveying my thoughts and feelings on paper than in words.
Not to be too hard on myself - I can speak and sometimes I can even say something coherent. But often times I feel like I am at a loss for a particular word or more often than not, my statement takes a turn to the left while my point took a turn to the right never to meet again.
But despite my shortcomings at all things verbal, I know that the Lord can use me anyway. One of the greatest prophets from the Old Testament was not gifted in speech and yet the Lord used him anyway:
Moses said to the LORD, "O Lord, I have never been eloquent, neither in the past nor since you have spoken to your servant. I am slow of speech and tongue." The LORD said to him, "Who gave man his mouth? Who makes him deaf or mute? Who gives him sight or makes him blind? Is it not I, the LORD? Now go; I will help you speak and will teach you what to say." Exod 4:10-12
Clearly we all have our strengths and weaknesses but sometimes God doesn’t agree with our own self-assessments. If we try to limit our work for the Lord to what we think we are good at, we may miss out. So while I may prefer to communicate in writing, that isn’t always an option. Do I just not speak? Obviously not.
I’ll likely never become an eloquent speaker, but that’s okay. The Lord will be there to help me. I’ll seek his guidance in all my areas of weakness and not let my own insecurities keep me from testifying to His Glory.
"The grass withers and the flowers fall, but the word of our Lord stands forever. Isaiah 40:8
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