It’s difficult to say which of my sins I struggle with the most. There are more than I care to admit, but I do feel as I’ve gotten better over the years. Of course, any improvement I’ve made has been simply through the Lord’s grace and mercy.
But my biggest struggle lately has been being a good Christian at work. I’m sure I could improve at a few areas at home also, but I worry that I’m not being a good witness by my behavior at work. Not that I’m awful, but I’m certainly not anywhere close to Christ-like.
I’m very opinionated, judgmental (about how things are done), gossipy, and prideful. I really try to behave the way the Lord expects me to behave, but I just can’t seem to conquer my sinful ways. I pray about it, I read the Word and feel convicted about particular attitudes, and yet I continue. I thank the Lord constantly for his never-ending mercy because I know I’m rotten and yet the Lord doesn’t drop the hammer on me.
Will it ever get better? I hope so. I know that the Lord has made miraculous changes in my heart already, but is my heart hardened in this area? I feel like I’ve come such a long way in my walk with the Lord, but yet this failure makes me question the fullness of my faith. If I had the love for others, the servitude, and the humbleness that my Savior spoke of, then having the proper “Christian attitude” wouldn’t be a problem.
I know I can’t will myself to be good, the goodness has to come from the love of Christ in me. I hope I get there soon.
"The grass withers and the flowers fall, but the word of our Lord stands forever. Isaiah 40:8
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